Potty Training Log, At long last

I have been changing diapers for 9 1/2 years.

Our standards have relaxed a bit over the years. The changing table was gone over a year ago. We've been changing diapers on beds, couches, living room floors and occasionally on kitchen tables. I can change a diaper while the child stands or the standard while laying down. I can change a diaper without removing the child's shoes and pants. I can discretely change a toddler's diaper in a public place without anyone knowing. I can predict with certain accuracy how many wipes a dirty diaper will need to clean up the mess much like Name That Tune. Impressive, I know.

The diaper bag too has gone the way of the changing table. What started as a well stocked first aid station and as a portable changing table (complete with a packable changing pad to to keep all germs far from my precious baby's bottom as possible) turned into a few diapers shoved in the pocket of the truck door and a wayward package of wet wipes that never seemed to be where you needed it. That changing pad is long gone. Now, if a surface looks questionable I take off my sweater or ask Steve to give me his coat.

Charlie is staying dry all day now. He stops what he is doing and tells me he needs to go and he needs my help. He does indeed need to go, but he doesn't really even need my help. He's really dignified about the whole thing. He will not run to the potty (that's what babies do). And he likes to keep the fanfare to a minimum. A simple "good job" or "what a big boy you are" brings a huge smile to his face and a glow of pride.

I know there will be occasional accidents, but I think I can call him officially "trained."

And I'm throwing away that potty chair!

Potty Training Log, Day 136

Well, maybe, just maybe we've turned a corner. All the signs are positive!

My tactic since the initial training didn't take (uh, 136 days ago) was to back off and invest in Huggies stock. We occasionally and very casually talked about what being a big boy meant all the while wearing and changing the pull-ups like diapers (they really are, you know).

This week Charlie announced that he would not be wearing them anymore. At first he said he'd like to wear them for bed, but after a few nights he had decided that he will not be doing that either.

Yesterday I heard him march to the laundry room and shut the door. I stop and listen. He's quiet, that can't be good. So I ask, "Hey, Charlie, whacha doing?" He waddles out with his undies around his ankles and a wet wipe in his hand. He's had "an accident" and is cleaning himself. So I offer to help. He accepts. But with the condition that he not lie down like a baby getting a diaper changed. I accept. He marches with the offending undies to the potty, shakes them out in the bowl, closes the lid, flushes and says, "Bye bye poop." He then lifts the lid to be sure it's really gone (ah, my son). It is. We talk a little more about what being big means and that if he continues to have accidents he'll be in pull-ups by sundown. With his assurance that's not going to happen, he dons new undies and off he goes.

He has taken two naps and woke up dry. Yesterday he refused a casual offer of the potty when he got up and had an accident shortly after during which he cried and then became angry that he wet himself. That's a good sign! This afternoon he woke up dry and took care of business when he got up. We're on our way!

I estimated that we'll save approximately $50.00 a month on pull-ups and wet wipes. I'll be glad if I never spend another penny on pull-ups.

Potty Training Log, Day--Oh, who even cares anymore?

I thought my faithful readers of the Potty Training Log (all three of you) deserved an update. We have decided to take a step back and take a break from the training. He can technically go to the bathroom in a toilet but he just does not have the drive to do so with any consistency. We had days when he would not make an effort even once, and then days when he'd be dry all day. It was just getting too frustrating for all of us--and as we know, you can't force someone to use a toilet (if you believe otherwise, please come spend a day with my son). We'll try again in a month or so.

Potty Training Log, Day 63

Having accomplished with great success the task of urinating while standing at the "big potty," today Charlie discovered the directional properties of a stream of fluid. Great.

Never a Dull Moment or "Things You Might Want to Know"

Here are some tidbits from our past week:

We became a one car family with a twist. We sold the van and Steve bought a motorcycle. It seems a strange exchange, but hear me out: We have more flexibility in the warmer months than we would have with only one means of transportation and gas is a fraction of the cost (a BIG fraction). So, I’ve gone full circle from the days of riding in the truck between Dad and his friend Bill when they dropped me off at Campus my freshman year. Now I pack the kids in and one of them sits in the “monkey seat” in-between me and their dad. (I’m trying not to be bitter that Steve and Makenna just took off together on the motorcycle to McDonald’s and left me behind. They are probably drinking Cherry Coke without me even as I type.)

In an irrational moment (that only sisters can create for each other), Madison, wielding a pair of scissors, cut Makenna’s finger at the knuckle. It really was an accident—although she was acting foolish, she didn’t mean to cut her sister’s finger and was very remorseful. I took Makenna to Children’s Close to Home and thankfully we came home without stitches.

Makenna and Madison started running with Steve and I three days a week. They each started with a half mile which they run in about 5 minutes. Afterwards Steve teaches them how to stretch. We're hoping this can become a family routine and are wondering how long it will be until we can’t keep up with them.

Maya touched the pipes on the motorcycle (after several warnings not to) and got a nice burn on her index finger that looks like it will blister. She learned about tactical breathing as I applied burn ointment and a gauze bandage.

Makenna got the first part of her braces on. Next week she'll get the pallet expander. She is not at all happy about it.

I ordered the rest of our books for this fall. Gathering them on each girl’s shelf is the exciting part. Every time Makenna notices a new book she begs to read it. Alas she can not—but I can. And many thanks to our Book Fairy for her generous contribution again this year! We've taken the month of July off from our studies and Maddie and Maya have been begging me to do some math or handwriting or "something."

Charlie's "accident's" are down to very few and he has started using toilets at other people's homes and in public bathrooms. But we're still working on the BM's which are very inconsistent—which is to say hardly ever in the desired location.

The secondary title of this post "Things You Might Want to Know" is based on an "article" in Makenna's "newspaper" in which she publishes details about her sibling’s activities that she thought I might like to know about. It turns out that indeed, I did want to know. So at 9 she's figured out what most newspapers (and most of my blog entries) fail to do: tell her audience things they actually care to know.

Potty Training Log, Day 29

Today we break new ground! Charlie actually stopped what he was doing while playing downstairs, came up the steps, announced his intentions, and peed in the potty. The bright Pull-Up-less future lies before us. I envision a day when I stop cramming diapers and wipes in my purse and leave the diaper bag on the curb for the trash collector.

Potty Training Log, Day 20

After a short hiatus (due to my inconvenient sinus infection) we're going cold turkey back to underwear today. I think a little time was a good thing. He's had time to accept the concept and figure out what it means to feel the urge to go. He's now telling us before he goes and requesting to sit on the potty. But his attention span is a bit short and the last week he's opted to use the Pull-up instead (those hateful things) knowing it's available to him.

Another good sign: I was in bed one morning and I heard Charlie come downstairs and announce his urgency to go. I waited quietly and within two minutes he was carrying a full potty into my room. I helped him empty and wash hands. So now I know he can do it and understands what I'm asking.

I hope with this renewed attempt we'll finish up the training this week. But he's going to have to do it on the road to some extent. We're tired of sitting around the house and I've promised the girls a trip to the zoo, pool and library. We also need to work in piano and a visit to the allergist for Maddie and Charlie.

Potty Training Log, Day 10

He did it! He did it!

He was sitting on the potty and actually looked at me and said, "I'm going to pee." And he did!

Potty Training Log, Day 9

OK. I know what I said. But Charlie has his own plans. I just wish I could figure them out.

He won't go in the potty, but he'll hold it all day, waiting for the pull-up at nap or bed time. He only had one accident while we were outside playing which upset him because he got his Spiderman PJs wet. He also insists that you do not call the pull-up a diaper. But he'll sit on that toilet forever and not go.

He's not wearing diapers but I've totally backed off. I'm really just watching and waiting for the one time he stops and says he has to go . . .

Potty Training Log, Day 8

Day 8 was just like Day 7 except that Charlie did all the clean up, and happily so. Small blessings, I guess.

On looking back, my theories seem sound, but at the end of the day you just can't force, cajole, bribe, sweet-talk, beg or otherwise entice anyone to pee in a toilet if they just don't want to.

Therefore, I hereby declare a moratorium on all potty training endeavors until further notice.

(Of course I'll leave the potty out and have him try to go before bath and bed and upon waking. But otherwise, I'm totally baking off and we'll re-emerge into the world again, if even for just a week or two. And then you also get a reprieve from my verbose entries on the insipid subject of potty training.)

Potty Training Log, Day 7

Reserved Toilet Training in Less Than A Day by Nathan Azrin from the library.

Considered taking Boy to Chicago for Booty Camp.

I guess I'll settle for reading the book.

Even though I had good 'ole dad show his son how to pee standing up and aim for the Cheerios, Charlie was mildly impressed. He had no success before nap time. Well, or after nap either. But I will consider nap time a success because he peed just before I laid him down so I left the undies on him and he woke up dry.

During his nap--and a finely tuned Internet search--I recharged my resolve and altered my strategy. Based on some of the reading I did about potty training in a day, I decided that I'd take the responsibility for going off of me and put it onto Charlie. I am not a trained expert and I'm sure I made some mistakes, but following is a re-cap of how I attempted to do so.

I had decided we'd work with the salty snacks and lots of fluids method again so we set up camp in the kitchen (which is weird, I know, but the kitchen floor is easier to clean up).

We started by Charlie carrying the potty to the kitchen when he came down from his nap. I explained that it is Charlie's job to listen to his body and to go potty when his body tells him it's time to go and explained the steps involved in doing so. He hadn't gone during his nap so he choose to sit down and try to go. He didn't produce but he willingly tried. I consider that a victory.

As part of the "this is your responsibility" theme, I had him do everything from putting on his pants to cleaning up the accidents (which, for the most part, I no longer believe are really accidents), putting the wet or dirty clothes into the laundry and helping fold the undies and put them in his basket when they were clean. Again, he was willingly involved at every step and made several attempts to hit the desired target. He also made just as many choices to go on the floor and told me in so many words that that was his preference. But this time around he did all the work. I didn't ask him if he had to go. But I again explained after each accident that it was unacceptable to go in his pants, that it was his job to go to the toilet when his body told him it was time, and gave specific instruction on exactly how to do that.

I also gave lots of rewards for listening, following directions and staying dry. If I left the room and he was dry when I returned I gave him a skittle from my pocket. If he tried to sit on the potty but didn't produce I'd give him a reward for trying and staying dry. If he dressed himself without any of my help, again another skittle. Now as long as I don't get the skittles confused with dog treats, we should be fine. (As an aside, I did not reward or praise when he was in "clean up" mode.)

At bed time I started teaching him what a big boy does before going to bed with the focus on Charlie doing for himself. He brushed his own teeth, tried to go potty (again, didn't produce because he told me "Darlie doesn't want the pee to come out."). Put on his own jamies and climbed into bed. I read him a book, sang my version of Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodnight (except I learned it from Sha Na Na and I sing it without the four part harmony, sorry), he said his prayers and then lights out.

I'm going to try the same strategy for the rest of the week hoping that a little consistency will push him over the edge. It is true that he needs to take responsibility for his body and I think the fact that this new focus has eliminated his resistance is a huge step. It seems this method is in fact treating him like a "big boy" and he feels like one too (instead of just Mommy saying it is so).

Here's hoping Day 8 is a better one.

Potty Training Log, Day 6

Yesterday was a complete bust. A lot of talk but very little action. He tells me "Darlie don't want to sit on the potty" so we spent a lot of time talking about "Darlie" being a big boy and all that goes with it.

I'm seriously considering having Steve teach him to pee standing up and aim for the cheerios. I've avoided it thus far as I've been warned that he won't want to sit to do other things and for fear of what else he'll find it fun to pee on, but we've got to do something to make him a willing participant.

I'm also thinking of foregoing the nap for a few days. It's obvious he's waiting for that pull-up at nap time and I'm not brave enough to ditch the pull-up altogether (which I probably should as he has been previously dry after sleeping and I'm afraid I'm creating a bad habit that we'll have to address later).

Potty Training Log, Day 5

I've never seen a child "hold it" this long. He can even stop the flow if it starts and he's not on the potty yet. Our major problem remains this: once he gets to the potty it takes a long time to get things started again. So long that he's resisting sitting on it altogether. He'll dance around forever before he'll sit.

The normal M&M bribe doesn't work on him. When you tell him he'll get an M&M if he pees in the potty he looks at you with empty eyes that say "So what!" and he continues playing. Yesterday Steve offered him an oatmeal cream pie if he went potty. He set it on a table where he could see it from the potty. And wouldn't you know it, that kid produced pee within minutes.

To have success it takes one of us in constant vigil, sitting and waiting with Charlie. He won't stay on the potty unless someone is there prompting him. And if he starts going he still gets the "deer in the headlights" look and freezes; someone better be close to help this kid to the potty.

I’ve considered quitting at some point each day and then decide to give it one more day and see where that gets us. For day six, I'm wondering two things: 1) What in the world will I have to bribe him with today? and 2) How am I going to manage this fiasco while Steve is at work?

Potty Training Log, Day 4

Yesterday was hit and miss. But he has the concept down. I do believe we'll keep going. I very well may have purchased our very last package of diapers!

Potty Training Log, Day 3: Success at last!

He did it! As the morning progressed we kept giving him liquids. It only took 5 cups of lemonade and two hours of constant sitting on (and dancing around) the potty but it finally happened. Let me tell you this kid can hold some fluids! We're going to keep close to the house for a few more days before we venture out too far.

Potty Training Log, Day 2

Yesterday was miserable, wet, and long. He spent a great deal of time sitting on the potty with me sitting in front of him watching and praying (like I've never prayed before) that this boy would have some success: he's trying so hard to please me but he just doesn't get it yet. At the end of the day he finally was telling me he had to sit on the potty but still couldn't produce anything. So maybe he's feeling the "urge" to go. Of course he'd get bored and get up and then pee somewhere other than the toilet (like my couch). But it was enough to give me some bit of hope and to keep going today.

Potty Training Log, Day 1

Yesterday we started potty training Charlie. I think it’s time. He’s almost three and I’ve been changing diapers for one child or another for over 9 years now. I’m ready for a break.

So, at the end of Day 1—and 12 underwear changes later—all I can say that was positive about the day is:

a) he woke up dry in the morning and from his nap, and
b) by the end of the day he could stop and shout, "I'm peeing, Mommy."

Here are my major obstacles thus far:

Obstacle No. 1: After three girls and 9 years of calling underwear panties, I can't stop. And I've been informed that boys do not wear panties. I’ve tried several attempts at replacing the offending word with acceptable options (briefs, britches, underwear, etc.) to no avail. Eventually, I decided that “undies” would make a good alternative. It ends in "ies,” has the same number of syllables as panties, and is apparently gender neutral. So I think maybe I can trick myself into making the change.

Obstacle No. 2: We have done nothing to prepare for this other than to buy underwear and a new potty seat (which we did way back in December). We are starting from scratch. He has no former experience of peeing in the potty, not before a bath, not when he wakes up in the morning. None. So he has no incentive to sit long enough on the toilet to wait and see what happens because he doesn’t know what is supposed to happen when he does and the joy and celebration that will ensue when he does this mysterious thing. He also apparently has no ability to "turn on the pipes" while he's sitting—even after 3 cups of lemonade and a long dry spell.

Obstacle No. 3: He is not at all motivated by M & Ms.

And so begins Day No. 2