use this amazon link to help support an adoption

My dear friend and her husband are in the process of adopting from overseas. They are currently saving to cover their travel expenses. You can help bring their baby (babies?) home by using this link for all your amazon purchases!

inactively active

As a followup to my last post, some teaching on the unbelief of envy by John Piper from Psalm 37:

Battling the Unbelief of Envy

I have been studying Psalm 32 and found this a good followup to Pastor's sermon on Sunday regarding sin:

How Not to be a Mule

And a scripture I cling to, because it seems to be my way to race ahead of God... 

Since ancient times no one has heard,

no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. 

Isaiah 64:4

In my waiting, my inactivity is not to do nothing, but rather to get to work being obedient right here, right now. 

And He works on my behalf for all of those other things I long for and cry out for, He works His perfect will.

And who is better equipped for this work? 

little, old me? 

or 

an infinity wise, all-powerful, and all-knowing God who stands outside of time, who sees all of me, and pours out His lovingkindness on little, old me?

Help me to be always devoted, confident, obedient, 

resigned, childlike in my trust of thee, 

to love thee with soul, body, mind, strength, 

to love my fellow-man as I love myself, 

to be saved from unregenerate temper, hard thoughts, 

slanderous words, meanness, unkind manners, 

to master my tongue and keep the door of my lips. 

(from A Cry for Deliverance, Valley of Vision)

here

From a biography of Theodore Roosevelt I read this simple description of his mother:

She had "an unbound delight in being where she was and who she was."

delight, unbound

with where and who she was

I  have looked outside my domain and coveted other ministries, even the size and makeup of other families. Is that a weird thing to covet? 

I have battled the little voice that whispers, "it's not enough." 

I have divided my time to the point where I'm not really doing anything well. And when put all back together, I start dividing again.

Mary and Martha. One said, "Jesus is enough."

The other said, "why aren't you doing?"

Me being who I am and where I am. It's not random. God placed me here. He gave me a calling to die to my desires and pour out the love of the gospel here. Where I am. Who I am. Today. To this man and these babies and whoever else comes along.

here is where I learn to love Him more

here is where He teaches me to pour out that love

Jesus is enough, here

And we know that the death of a seed does not make the end of the life. A new life grows. Could the seed even imagine it? Could the seed even desire it?

lose your life to find it

This a daily prayer, a daily giving over.

The world is artful to entrap, 

approaches in fascinating guise,

extends many a gilded bait,

presents many a charming face.

Let my faith scan every painted bauble,

and escape every bewitching snare

in a victory that overcomes all things.

In my duties give me firmness, energy, zeal,

devotion to they cause,

courage in thy name,

love as a working grace,

and all commensurate with my trust.

Let faith stride forth in giant power,

and love respond with energy in every act. 

(from Valley of Vision, Faith and the World)

battling the unbelief of impatience

Impatience has been a longstanding problem of mine. I'm not talking about "the kids are getting on my nerves" type of impatience (although I battle that too). I'm talking about the "I want it now" impatience. What I want might be good. What I desire might be God's desire for my life. I might be feeling impatient for His plan to unfold. I might be tempted to think God is slow.

God is opening my eyes that patience is the fruit of faith and, you got it, impatience the fruit of unbelief. Ouch.

For a girl that has called herself "impatient and prone to rash decisions" this is a real battle. And a sin that needs confessed and my direct attention applied to God's word, His commands and His promises.

I listened to this John Piper sermon this morning, while laying in my bed sick and frustrated at my disrupted plans.

I won't bore you with all the pathetic ways I was feeling sorry for myself. It's just a cold. And for some reason I am deluded into thinking that the good in the world pivots on the timely completion of my to-do list. I think, in my nearsightedness, that putting these items off means putting off other things in our life and somehow missing God's plan. Somehow I surmise that God is looking at me, wringing His hands and thinking, "well great, now what do I do." Somewhere down the line I think it all has to do with me.

Guess what? God has His own agenda and His own timing and His own way. It's not about me.

He is infinitly good.

He is infinitly wise.

He is infinitly powerful.

He has a better way and when I look at His way as an inturrption or a hinderence to my own, I am looking through the lenses of unbelief.

He is teaching me.

I am a slow learner.

He is a patient teacher.

Listen here: Battling the Unbelief of Impatience

baby steps

"The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).

We are slowly working our way to submitting our application to foster/adopt with the county. I have a short laundry list of things to accomplish and when the end is in sight we'll submit our paperwork. You know how I love to make my lists! So here's one more:

--sort, donate and return all the items stacked up in the spare bedroom
--paint the spare bedroom
--clean carpets
--fill out the application and paperwork
--few minor repairs to house (replace screen in spare bedroom window, fix light chain on the ceiling fan, fix banister, replace cover on electrical box in barn)
--rotate to fall/winter clothes so I can get the closets cleaned out and organized (again)
--we have one last physical scheduled in September and the dogs need their yearly check up with the vet

We are working to return to a rhythm and routine this fall, and i'm working with the kids to become as independent and self-directed as they are able so we can be as flexible as possible in the future. Of course all of this depends on our homestudy and being licensed. So we keep baby-stepping forward, seeking the Lord's wisdom and mercy every step of the way.

"The lot is cast into lap, But its every decision is from the Lord" (Proverbs 16:33).

Containing Updates on Various Topics

And they remembered that God was their rock, and the Most High God their Redeemer.

psalm 78:35

Thank you all for your prayers, help with the kids, and meals over the last month. My mother has chosen to stop chemo treatments and start care with Hospice. Her Hospice nurses and social worker offer support and knowledge that we desperately needed and we are thankful. Many of you may know that while we are caring for my mom, my sister battles her own health issues which keep presenting new complications and for which her doctors are still determining course of action. Please keep her in your continued prayers as well. I am privileged to daily witness the strength of my mother and sister and know that the Lord uses these very things to refine, shape, and mold us into the people He intends us to be.

Many things can wait.

Children cannot.

Today their bones are being formed,

their blood is being made,

their senses are being developed.

To them we cannot say "tomorrow."

Their name is today.

gabriel mistral

Last month Steve and I had the opportunity to take and finish all 36 hours of the foster/adoption classes in our county. We hold in our possession 12 certificates of completion for each class and a rather overwhelming packet that will start a homestudy: application, fire inspection, safety audit, financial statement, medical forms for each member of the family, so on and so forth. I give all the glory to our Father for He alone made it possible for us to complete these classes with all that is going on in our families. As we move through this process (what seems to me as a snails pace--I can be so impatient), I trust in God's perfect timing. He alone knows why He has brought us into this process at this particular time in our lives. He alone knows who waits for us, who He will place in our care and for how long and when. While my flesh feels anxious to proceed I remind myself that a Sovereign God holds these families and babies in His care, and He is infinitely wiser than I. So I focus on being obedient to His word, completing the tasks on our checklist, and I wait for the Lord. And while I wait I pray. Please pray with us for the families we may come into contact. For their babies, those already born and those yet to be born. Pray for a hedge of protection to be around them, that the Holy Spirit may soften their hearts, unstop their ears, and that God's word would be sent forth to heal and to save.  Pray that the generation to come, a generation yet to be born will know the Lord.

My people, hear my teaching;

listen to the words of my mouth.

I will open my mouth with a parable;

I will utter hidden things, things from of old—

things we have heard and known,

things our ancestors have told us.

We will not hide them from their descendants;

we will tell the next generation

the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,

his power, and the wonders he has done.

He decreed statutes for Jacob

and established the law in Israel,

which he commanded our ancestors

to teach their children,

so the next generation would know them,

even the children yet to be born,

and they in turn would tell their children.

Then they would put their trust in God

and would not forget his deeds

but would keep his commands.

They would not be like their ancestors—

a stubborn and rebellious generation,

whose hearts were not loyal to God,

whose spirits were not faithful to him.

psalm 78:1-8

On Disjointed Thoughts

So many things stir my heart I don't know where to begin.

I'm usually reluctant to hastily put together a half-baked blog post. Too many ill-considered things, better left unsaid, fill the Internet and our cell phones. And sadly, I have authored many of those things. But I'm going to try to keep some updates more regularly, which means some of them may be clumsy and poorly worded. Time is limited and most of my writing time is spent multitasking (ie, running kids back and forth to the bathroom at the library), so the usual consideration I might give to grammar, style and spelling will suffer. I'm also going to be pretty transparent and many of my thoughts are rough, my emotions raw and tender to the touch, as I've not had the usual time I like to take to think things through. But I'm willing to be transparent in the effort to elicit your prayers and give glory to God for all that He is doing.

"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth" (Colossians 3:1-2).

My mom and I walked into a chemo room for the first time last Monday and entered into a new way of living, a new season of life. Many of you know my mom was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer little over a month ago. Suddenly everything shrinks in perspective and all that is before me is my sovereign God, eternity, and the eternal souls of man. Not much else matters much. We are told by the doctors that there is no cure. How did this happen? The doctor actually shrugged his shoulders and said, We don't know. How will I have the strength to walk this road beside my mother? With my family and church walking beside me, and my sovereign God going before me.

"The Lord God is my strength, And He has made my feet like hinds' feet, And makes me walk on my high places" (Habakkuk 3:19).

Now let me tell you how important it is to meditate on the word of God, hiding it in your heart, setting it always before you. The scripture that God has put before me (Colossians from my daily devotional Table Talk, Habakkuk from a Bible study I try to attend, bits and pieces from sermons months old and my daily reading) is a firm foundation beneath my feet, the corner stones and pillars that hold me up and protect my fragile frame. If you want to hear the voice of God, if you want to know what He is saying to you, fill your mind and heart with His word. He speaks to us today from this book. Don't miss it.

This is the scripture that comforted me last Wednesday night during the heavy wind and after Mom had a very difficult day. The wind was so strong that I could feel the house and my bed shake. The weight of the day so heavy that my soul shook. Praise God who controls the storm!

"Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters; They have seen the works of the LORD, And His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, Which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; Their soul melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, And were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, And He brought them out of their distresses.

He caused the storm to be still,

So that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, So He guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men! Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people, And praise Him at the seat of the elders" (Psalm 107:23-32).

Children are waiting. This is a link to my friends blog. The Lord has been stirring our heart for the needs of orphan children for over a year and we have been praying about what the Lord would have for our family. I know others are being stirred as well. We've prayed about adopting and fostering. We've looked at overseas adoption. We've considered  the cost of private adoption. But recently the Lord is pricking our heart for the babies in our county and the ones that need temporary care while their mothers are in prison. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but He is moving and He is always at work. I don't know what any of this will amount to for us personally, if anything. But would you join me in praying for those that are in prison? Would you pray for their babies? Would you pray that His word would have free reign and not be bound by prison bars? Would you ask that God raise up for Himself an army of people that worships Him right here in Union County?

I don't want to work to fill up my barn to overflowing so I can "protect" myself against impending storms. I don't want to retire to collect sea shells on the beach and read all the books I'll never get to while my kids are at home. I want to leave this life with nothing, to squander myself and all I have for the cause of Christ. To pour all that He blesses me with out onto my children, my family, my neighbor, the widow, the orphan, those in prison, the hungry, the lost. Those are the treasures that we store up in heaven. They are rare jewels being set with precious metal in our future crowns. A crown that we can lay at Jesus' feet when we meet Him face to face.