Approximately six months after I brought the kids home from school, I locked myself in my closet, a tearful mess. These are the days most homeschoolers won't tell you about. But I'm telling you because you might be were I was and looking for something, anything, that will encourage you to keep on.
When Steve and I pulled our kids out of school we really had no idea what we were doing. I knew three families that homeschooled: a family member that lived several counties away; Makenna's second grade teacher's sister-in-law that lived in another state; and an acquaintance that mentioned once they used to home school.
I felt very alone. And I was failing.
I was frustrated that I didn't have my kids attention. I remember complaining to my sweet neighbor that I was tired of yelling at my kids all the time. I needed better parenting strategies.
In addition, I managed to stifle every flicker of love of learning that my oldest daughter had with a textbook/workbook method of schooling that was intended to look just like the classroom. It did not work for us but I didn't know learning could look any different. By this point she hated "school" and just wanted to read, read, and read.
I was burdened with having to plan lessons for each child with a very labor intensive curriculum (I didn't know I could group them together in some subjects and there were other methods that are easier to plan).
I had one child with a developing vision problem that was not yet diagnosed and was very resistant to all book work.
Add to that one toddler that wouldn't let go of my leg and a preschooler that was begging to learn how to read and a momma that was used to a sparkling clean house and actually had no idea how to teach a child to read. That equals one very stressed out family.
So here I am locked in my closet.
And my husband says maybe it's time to call the district to find out what I need to do to get them back in school next fall. We can't continue this way.
That was my "burn the ships" moment.
I wasn't ready to quit.
So I did what any girl would do. I googled "I want to quit homeschooling."
Go ahead. Google it.
I got an article that gave me a quick, swift, kick in the pants, so to speak.
So I kept going.
I knew what I was doing wasn't working. Now, looking back, I could tell you all the reasons why and the mistakes I made. At the time, however, I couldn't define it, but whatever it was, it wasn't working. So I set to work to find a better way. Together with my husband, we analyzed why we were doing this, where we thought we were going, and what we wanted the end result to be. I found a schooling method that supported those things, for us it is the Charlotte Mason method. I dropped everything we were doing, let the kids read and play games, and bake and cook alongside of me, took them to the library and the park and the zoo, and I took some time to figure out how to make this thing work.
The other reason why we were so miserable is because I didn't have my children's attention. They did not listen to me and I didn't know how to fix it. So I set to work reading and learning and listening and discovered the odd and crazy idea called: first-time obedience. Yes, you heard me the first time so I won't repeat it. I started with Don't Make Me Count to Three and moved on to Shepherding a Child's Heart which covered a lot of new territory for me. I also learned a lot from a series of videos by Voddie Baucham. You can watch/listen Getting Your House in Order and Multi-Generational Promise and Child Training online. (BTW, Getting Your House in Order is NOT about organizing your home. Just so you know.)
Another weakness in my armor lie in the fact that I had not gathered around me like-minded women who have been where I was going, or at least going right along with me. I had more than some girls have: a supportive extended family and a husband who was my biggest champion, but I needed ladies that knew where I was because they were living it right along with me. The Lord put amazing people in my life to fill this need. Seek out the support of women that will pray for you and you can pray for them. Someone who will pick up the phone and understand just where you are because they are there too.
Finally. Rejoice! If you are at the end of your strength, the end of your ability, the end of your knowledge, the end of your energy, then you are at a point of grace in your life. You can allow it to point you to the source of all strength, wisdom, and power (God) or you can allow it to turn you away from the greatest opportunity presented to you up until this point in your life. Listen, He came for the week and the sick. That's you and that's me. He rescues the humble and contrite of heart--that was totally me locked in my closet, and me everyday on my knees before Him. And He uses our weaknesses to showcase His strength. Let Him use you.
My point: don't quit before you have experienced the full blessings of bringing your children home. You will go through the fire together. There will be trials and seasons of crisis and major transitions and the worst winter blahs of your life. Adjust your expectations, refine your child discipline and training techniques, seek out new methods, gather support around you, and lean on God's strength, not your own. Then dig in your heals and set your eyes on the goal. I'll be honest, you can't do this alone, but He can do it through you. Remember Abraham... "In hope he believed against hope... he did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body... no distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised" (Romans 4:18-21).
Give glory to God and cling to His promises.
"The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands" (Psalm 138:8).
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands" (Psalm 138:8).
And if you're locked in your closet right now, give me a call. I'll talk you out.
