Sustain me with a willing spirit.

And they remembered that God was their rock, And the Most High God their Redeemer. But they deceived Him with their mouth and lied to Him with their tongue. For their heart was not steadfast toward Him, Nor were they faithful in His covenant. But He, being compassionate, forgave their iniquity and did not destroy them; And often He restrained His anger And did not arouse all His wrath. Thus He remembered that they were but flesh, A wind that passes and does not return. Psalm 78:35-39

For those of you who don't know, I hurt my foot 4 1/2 weeks ago working in the garage in flip flops (against the advise of my husband--he really is my protector and I should have listened to him). I tore the tissues on the pad of my foot and I can't put any weight on that foot. That first night I went to the urgent care and they took x-rays. There was nothing broken so I tried the "walk it off" method of healing which only made things worse. There is some nerve damage, maybe some tendinitis, possibly broke the pockets of fluid around the joints of my toes. This is week five of being injured and week three on crutches and it has been harder than the others. The doc put me in a soft cast and a shoe and made me pinky promise not to put any weight on it for a week. It's no secret that I've been cheating the last couple of weeks, just to keep the house running, but this week I can't cheat. And I've been faithful in hopes of real healing.

For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64:6

I can't say that we've handled this with complete grace and joy. We've had some really rough days. Sadly, those days under stress are the ones that reveal the real me. And I can't say I like me very much those days. We live our comfortable lives in relative ease and we shine, thinking that WE are good. We spend our days dealing with shallow trials and trivial problems, and we pat ourselves on the back, puffed up and proud, thinking that it was by our own power that We made it through the day. Oh, that is me . . . I'm so quick to be proud in my accomplishments. But in reality, on my own and without Him, I am but flesh, a wind that passes and does not return and my good deeds are nothing better than filthy rags.

Throughout this all I've been working on memorizing Psalm 51. This is one of David's psalms a year after he sinned with Bathsheba and murdered her husband. I remind myself that when He brings me to a place of brokenness and to the end of myself, it is grace. I am reminded that He withholds His full wrath from me and with gentleness He corrects me. He does the work of salvation and regeneration in me; He is the author of all that is good in me; He is the potter that reshapes me; He is the one that sustains me. Oh dear One, renew a right spirit within me. Sustain me with a willing spirit. Let the bones which you have broken rejoice. (Ps. 51)

"If true repentance is one going down a highway and then by God's grace experiencing that change in attitude that leads to a change in behavior, that leads to one going the other way down the highway, if that is what repentance is, and I believe it is, then brokenness is the off ramp. Brokenness is the place where we get off, brokenness is the place where God stops us, where He halts our progress, where He causes us to see the end to which we will come if we continue to go down that road. Brokenness is the place to which we come when we recognize that all that we are, and all that we have, and all that we do in and of ourselves is sorely and miserably insufficient." Voddie Baucham, from a sermon on brokenness and Psalm 51. Listen here: Brokenness