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The Cast: A mom, the book, four kids, and one Great Dane.
Scene One: Living room staged with couch, ottoman, reading lamp, cozy blanket, and fluffy down pillow.
Scene Two: Kitchen floor where six-year-old, five-year-old, and two-year-old work on wooden floor puzzle.
The Action: Mom sees kids are busy, couch is empty, and grabs the book she’s been dying to start and settles on couch.
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Scene One, Act One: Mom reads page one of introduction. Enter eight-year-old who settles with pillow on floor next to couch with her latest Nancy Drew. Mom reads half of page two of the introduction. Great Dane steps on eight-year-old. Eight-year-old cries dramatically and moves to end of couch, settling on mom’s feet with book and continues reading, disturbed only by intermittent sniffles. Mom re-reads half of page one and page two of introduction.
Scene Two, Act One: Small scuffle ensues over puzzle in kitchen. Two-year-old loses.
Scene One, Act Two: Enter two-year-old. Two-year-old says to self, what are we doin’? Two-year-old climbs on couch, on top of mom, shuffles the length of mom with shoes on—across torso, down thigh, and directly across shin—to the end of couch to retrieve book from washtub-turned-end-table. Two-year-old chooses oversized board book about trains, trucks and motorcycles and shuffles the length of mom—this time shin, kneecap, thigh—and settles with oversized board book on mom’s torso. Two-year-old opens oversized board book which bumps mom’s book into mom’s face, dislodging mom’s glasses and elicits the response of a bearish grunt. Mom adjusts toddler’s book, replaces glasses, and re-reads page two.
Scene Two, Act Two: Six-year-old and five-year-old abandon puzzle in kitchen.
Scene One, Act Three: Enter five-year-old and six-year-old. Five-year-old attempts to take two-year-old’s book, gets harsh look from mom. Five-year-old pouts, plops on floor by couch. Six-year-old settles on ottoman and grumbles under breath that no one will play with her. Mom reads three sentences on page three.
Scene One, Act Four: Enter Great Dane with puzzle piece in mouth. Six-year-old and five-year-old shriek in horror. Six-year-old wrestles Dane for puzzle piece, five-year-old yells for help, two-year-old shuts book in moms face, eight-year-old continues reading. Mom drops book—noting that she lost her place, but realizes it doesn’t matter because she’ll have to read the entire thing all over again anyway—stands from couch dumping two-year-old onto floor, takes puzzle from Dane and announces with some force: Time. For. Bed!
Children scatter, end of scene.
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