I had to wait a week to post this because I needed the perspective. For some reason I was in "crisis mode" last week, even though there was no real crisis. And I just wanted to quit. Pack them up, send them back. Spend my mornings at the Y, lunching with friends, maybe a little cleaning, volunteering, or some freelance work in the afternoon. I wanted to cleanse my hands of the whole mess.
It just seemed like nothing was going right and nothing was ever going to "click."
The week before I was very excited to find a new (to me) method of schooling. There wasn't anything wrong with what we were doing. But it wasn't right, either. Finding our way in homeschooling has been a little like Goldilocks checking out the Bear's cottage.
Unschooling: too cold.
Montessori: too soft.
Units studies: too hot.
Classical: too hard.
Charlotte Mason Method: Ahhh, just right.
But finding where you think you should be and getting there are two different prospects. Of course, my "I want it NOW" attitude made me think that since I found what I was looking for, we should be doing it NOW. But, transition, by nature, is a little slower than NOW. And the Charlotte Mason Method, coupled with the nature of children, is the antithesis of NOW.
This literature-based education is everything I want for them and the philosophy is well aligned with our religious beliefs. See Charlotte Mason's 20 Principles of Education here.
So what's the problem?
Planning? Not really. Although a little more work and planning on my part (there is no boxed curriculum for this), the resources are unlimited. And I figure we have a Bible and a library card. What else do we need?
My expectations? Probably. I'm working to shed the former constraints that traditional schools operate under: textbooks, worksheets, measurable processes, testing, developmental time lines, etc. All good and necessary to accomplish objectives, chart progress, and keep parents up-to-date. But added together, equal something of a straight jacket for the homeschooler.
What a freedom it is to learn for the sake of learning, to learn at a pace slow enough to fully assimilate information, to enjoy excellent literature, to throw aside facts and search for ideas, knowledge, and meaning.
And, at the same time, what a burden that freedom is on the inexperienced teacher trying out an unproven (at least to her) method of schooling. I still suffer from the questions: Are they getting enough? Will they "test well"? Could they assimilate into public schools if necessary? Will they be able to get into college?
After fretting, seaching, and nearly calling the district to figure out how to get them back to school next fall, I found this passage that calmed me a bit, and served as a reminder of the meaning of faith ("being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see") and strenghtened my resolve to follow the path laid out for us:
American’s are into insurance. We want proof of excellence, measurements of progress, and guarantees of success... We test for IQ, readiness, learning disabilities, learning aptitude, creativity, achievement, development, brain hemisphere dominance, perception, and on and on and on. We have placed our hopes in what can be seen, measured, graphed, reported, and compared. We want visible signs of an infinitely complex, invisible reality. As educators we have listened to our fears and have sacrificed education to the god of security. Charlotte Mason can inspire us, but cannot give us what we must become ourselves–people of faith. - From A Charolette Mason Companion by Karen Andreola
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